before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
