Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
