well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
