if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
