so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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