just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
