i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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