Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
