She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
