some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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