I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
