My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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