It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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