thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
