I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
