i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
