It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
