So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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