im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
