You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
