we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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