dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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