Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
