just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
