Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
