After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
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