As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She's the barista slut.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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