i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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