I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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