I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
