So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
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You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize