my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
