I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
