I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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