That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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