took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
