now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
