So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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