and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
