Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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