I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
