I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The adults are the big ones right?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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