it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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