foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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