new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
