she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
