STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
