I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
