There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize