That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
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so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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