i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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