Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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