isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
