Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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