I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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