i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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