So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
