census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
