You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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