if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
