so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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