he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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