Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize