don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
