Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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