well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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