new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
