I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize