I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
