Tell her she can't have a vagina
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
