i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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