woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
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