Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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