she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
