Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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