I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
