it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
