the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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